The Case for Brotherly Like
This blog was originally published in the Illinois Freemasonry Magazine.
Written by R.W.B. Bryan R. Musicar, Grand Lodge Instructor
In Freemasonry, we hold “Brotherly Love” as the first of the three great tenets—Brotherly Love, Relief, and Truth. It is an aspirational ideal, encouraging Masons to cultivate harmony, extend compassion, and treat one another with dignity and respect. The word “Brother” implies not only fraternity but also a sacred closeness, suggesting that by virtue of our shared initiation and common pursuit of Light, we are bonded eternally.
However, there is a practical and often uncomfortable truth that underlies this high-minded ideal: before we can truly exhibit Brotherly Love, we must first develop what could be called Brotherly Like. Before we can authentically love one another, we must at least enjoy each other’s company, respect each other as individuals, and build the interpersonal rapport necessary for trust and affection to take root.
Just because two men have taken the same obligation and wear the same apron does not mean they will automatically like each other, trust one another, or form meaningful relationships. The oath makes us Brothers in a technical or ritual sense, but it does not replace the human work required to be friends, allies, and confidants. Without this groundwork—without Brotherly Like—Brotherly Love risks becoming a hollow concept, spoken out of duty rather than felt in the heart.
The Gap Between Obligation and Affection
Masonic obligation is powerful, binding us to ethical standards, mutual aid, and moral support. But we should not mistake obligation for affection. Two men can swear fidelity to one another and still not feel connected. They can attend the same Lodge for decades and never have a meaningful conversation beyond pleasantries.
This is not a flaw in Freemasonry; it is a fact of human nature. Brotherhood, like any relationship, is not built solely on shared rituals or titles. It is built on shared experiences, vulnerability, respect, and yes—mutual liking. If we are to build a true Brotherhood, we must recognize that ritual opens the door, but relationships walk through it.
How many Lodges have been fractured by unspoken tensions, bruised egos, and interpersonal indifference? How many new Brothers have joined seeking friendship and meaning, only to leave after a few meetings, having found only cold handshakes and impersonal ceremonies? How many Past Masters quietly avoid meetings because they do not feel welcomed or wanted?
These are not failures of doctrine; they are failures of connection.
Likeability as a Masonic Virtue
There is an unspoken assumption in many Lodges that because we are Masons, we should automatically get along. But this overlooks a key reality: getting along requires effort. To be liked is not a right; it is a quality that must be cultivated.
What makes a man likeable in a Masonic context? It is not superficial charm or popularity. It is sincerity. It is the ability to listen without judgment. It is the willingness to help set up chairs before a meeting and clean up afterward without seeking praise. It is humility, curiosity, kindness, and the habit of remembering someone’s name and asking how their family is doing—not because it is expected, but because you care.
These are the soft skills of Brotherhood. They are what transform a Lodge from a hall of ritual into a sanctuary of mutual respect. A man who is likeable invites others to engage. He makes the Lodge warmer, more cohesive. And just as important: he likes others in return. He seeks the good in his Brothers, rather than focusing on their flaws.
This does not mean every Mason must become best friends with each other. That is unrealistic. But it does mean we should strive to be the kind of men who are enjoyable to be around—who make others feel heard, respected, and valued. Likeability, in this sense, is not about ego—it is about empathy.
From Like to Trust to Love
Trust is the bridge between liking someone and loving them. It takes shared experiences, consistency, and a sense of emotional safety. In a Lodge, which means showing up—not just physically, but emotionally. It means being the kind of Brother who keeps confidence, who speaks kindly behind someone’s back, who does not gossip or undermine others.
You cannot shortcut this process. You cannot rush it. You cannot bypass Brotherly Like and leap straight into Brotherly Love, any more than you can skip the rough ashlar and immediately assume the form of the perfect stone.
When men feel liked and accepted, they begin to open up. They begin to trust. And when trust is present, real love—Brotherly Love—can flourish. Not the forced, performative love of formality, but the true love of shared burdens, mutual celebration, and spiritual growth.
This is the kind of love that causes a Brother to weep at a funeral, to drive two hours to help another Brother move furniture, or to stand up in defense of a man’s character when he is not in the room. This kind of love is not demanded by obligation. It is offered freely because it is rooted in something real.
The Cost of Ignoring Likeability
When Lodges ignore the importance of Brotherly Like, they risk becoming cold bureaucracies, bound by ritual but devoid of warmth. Meetings become transactional. Harmony becomes enforced silence rather than authentic unity. Disagreements fester into resentment because there is no underlying relationship to cushion them.
Worse still, the Craft begins to attract only those who are indifferent to relationship—men who view Freemasonry as a title, not a transformational journey. The Lodge fills with lonely men sitting in silence, wondering why they still come, why it all feels so empty.
Brotherly Love, in these conditions, becomes a slogan. It hangs on the wall, beautifully framed and utterly disconnected from lived experience.
We must be better than that.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Brotherly Like
If we take this seriously, then we must take deliberate steps to foster affection and camaraderie in our Lodges. Here are a few suggestions:
Create Space for Fellowship
Do not rush from gavel to gavel. Build in time before and after meetings for conversation, food, and laughter. These moments do more to build connection than the ritual itself.
Practice Hospitality
Welcome new Brothers personally. Pair them with mentors who are not just knowledgeable about history, but warm and engaging. Invite them to lunch. Ask about their lives.
Encourage Vulnerability
Encourage discussions—not just about ritual or history, but about personal challenges, values, and experiences. Brotherhood deepens when we see the human being beneath the apron.
Be Mindful of Your Demeanor
Are you approachable? Do you listen more than you talk? Do you praise publicly and correct privately? Are you the kind of man you would want to spend time with?
Celebrate Each Other
Birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, even small victories—acknowledge them. Brotherhood grows in celebration as much as in sorrow.
Be Curious, Not Critical
When a Brother speaks, assume he has something to teach you. Ask questions. Seek to understand before you evaluate.
From Obligation to Relationship
It is easy to say “Brotherly Love” in a prayer or repeat it in a lecture. It is harder to live it. And the first step in living it is understanding that it cannot be manufactured by decree or ritual. It must be built patiently, through Brotherly Like.
This is the human side of Freemasonry. It is what keeps Lodges alive, vibrant, and meaningful. When men like each other, they stay. They serve. They grow. They recommend the Craft to others not because they feel obligated, but because they have found something real.
So let us not be content with being Brothers in name only. Let us strive to be friends. Let us strive to be likeable, and to like others in return. From there, trust will grow. And when trust grows, love is not far behind. Because in the end, Brotherly Love is not just something we owe to one another. It is something we earn—by being the kind of men others are proud to call Brother.
Looking for more examples of Fellowship? Check out what the Brothers at Kinmundy Lodge are up to.