Masonic Friendship & Fellowship — A Way Forward
Written by Right Worshipful Brother Wayne Spooner
Grand Lodge Membership Committee Chairman
Freemasonry is a fraternity, a brotherhood of men. The bonds of brotherly love and connection are forged by our timeless promises made about discretion, support, and standards of behavior. From that foundation, we step forward to enjoy decades together, investing time and resources along with combining our talents to advance the work of the fraternity. That access and proximity to one another provide a cherished opportunity for deep personal relationships to develop and flourish.
For the Brethren who travel far and wide in the realms of Freemasonry, they know that the following is true — there are no strangers amongst Freemasons; they are just Brothers and friends whom you have yet to meet. A powerful message to understand and share, which is unique to our Masonic Membership Experience.
In our current Digital Age — heavily impacted by social media platforms — the word “friend” has been co-opted, watered down, and changed from its meaning in our Masonic context. In the spirit of taking back the narrative, here is a working definition for us to reference: A friend is someone who you know genuinely cares about your physical, mental, and emotional well-being and is willing to invest time to talk and share life experiences.
Emanating from this definition, we hear and feel the value that friends bring to our lives. In our Masonic Membership Experience, we provide the environment in which genuine friendships can develop and grow.
Expanding our perspective for a moment, here is a question for us to ponder: Do males in general society really know how to make genuine friends? Let’s review some elements of our Masonic journey that are truly transformative and advance our perspective on this topic.
In the initiatory experience as an Entered Apprentice, the Brother is taught the importance of trust and the value of one’s word amongst honorable men. He learns discretion and the requirement to treat private matters within the fraternity as items not appropriate to share with non-Masons. He experiences the power of having a trusted guide who helps him make progress on his personal journey and demonstrates a tangible care for his welfare.
The new Brother is assigned an Intender who serves as his mentor, coach, guide, and teacher to help him learn and advance in Freemasonry. The conversations and time spent with one’s Intender can make an overwhelmingly positive impact and create cherished lifelong memories.
The new Brother learns that every Freemason is “on the level.” That fact reinforces the importance of the internal qualities and values of these good men. It also champions the individual talents, strengths, and contributions that each Brother can provide to advance the fraternity’s work.
When Freemasons assemble in formal or informal gatherings, the new Brother is informed that those meetings, events, and activities are sanctuaries — times and places in which we can just be ourselves. The roles and responsibilities that we have in the outer world are muted. With that mindset, we enjoy the support and care of other good men who just want us to develop into the best version of ourselves.
The overt focus of Freemasonry on building trust, providing mentorship and guidance, promoting equality, and creating a safe space for men to just be themselves creates an environment in which the spark of friendship can ignite.
“By the exercise of brotherly love, we are taught to regard the whole human species as one family — the high and low, rich and poor, who, as created by one Almighty Parent and inhabitants of the same planet, are to aid, support, and protect each other. On this principle, Masonry unites men of every country, sect, and opinion, and conciliates true friendship amongst those who might otherwise have remained at a perpetual distance.”
That ritual excerpt underscores another critical enabler of making genuine friends: mutual respect earned from spending quality time with Brethren who come from different backgrounds (e.g., ages, ethnicity, culture, financial capabilities, educational accomplishments, careers, etc.). Being around men who are also investing in self-improvement and being useful to others — even if their personal journeys look different than our own — engenders respect and, in some instances, true admiration.
The trust and mutual respect developed amongst Freemasons does not happen by magic or just proximity. It is achieved by executing a critical aspect of our timeless Masonic learning and development process. We invest the time to engage in “mouth-to-ear” conversations which provide the opportunity to just talk and learn about the other Brother’s shoes. Yes, you gain insight and perspective about those figurative shoes that the Brother has been walking in to become the man you see today.
This “mouth-to-ear” experience is exemplified early in our Masonic career by the interactions between the Intender and a Brother advancing through the three degrees of Ancient Craft Masonry. The formula for success is simple — grab a cup of coffee or tea and just talk to one another. That’s it! Whether done in a Brother’s living room, the dining room of the Masonic temple, or on a park bench, those types of private discussions lay the foundation on which to build a lasting relationship.
Another key ingredient in these conversations is a desire to just be of service and support for the other Brother. It does not matter whether he is discussing aspirations about his career, challenges dealing with a significant other, or learning portions of our ritual work. These moments together enable the process by which we move down the path from being acquaintances (who happen to be Brothers) onward to becoming friends.
Another powerful aspect of our Masonic Membership Experience is the variety of fellowship opportunities available to our Brothers. For many Brethren, the word “fellowship” is synonymous primarily with “social” and “fun.” To capture the transformative nature of fellowship in our Masonic context, let’s embrace a broader perspective.
Fellowship consists of intentional opportunities to have meaningful shared experiences in which the participants achieve feelings of enjoyment and inspire a deeper connection as Brothers and friends. For one group of Brothers, doing a backyard barbecue while watching a sporting event is a wonderful time spent together. Another group may have a blast practicing ritual work and grabbing coffee afterward. Piling in the car to travel together for a Lodge visit could be yet another memorable experience. Don’t forget about the community service and charitable activities that many Lodges and Brethren support — those are wonderful fellowship opportunities as well.
Lastly, keep in mind that the fellowship opportunities attractive to Brethren in their 20s and 30s may look quite different than those of the Brethren in their 60s and 70s. Let’s expand our view and welcome the fellowship opportunities that align with the wide variety of interests and backgrounds of our members. The fundamental goal of Masonic fellowship is to invest time together doing something that the Brethren enjoy, which helps strengthen the bond of brotherhood.
As a Speculative Craft of Builders, we are putting in the work on ourselves to improve and, similarly, to build lasting relationships with Brothers who can transform into friends. How? By focusing on these powerful words — Trust, Mutual Respect, and Meaningful Shared Experiences. Our ancient and honorable fraternity has leapfrogged through time and across the globe fueled by those words which underscore the cherished nature of our brotherhood. Good and honorable men know the value and power of those words, even though they may not quickly come to mind or easily roll off the tongue in casual conversations.
Overall, a true membership superpower embedded in our experience as Freemasons is the ability to make genuine friends. That said, building real and lasting friendships is a contact sport; it is not passive — it is active! It requires time investment, a willingness to share information about us, and an intentional desire to create positive memories together.
So, what can you do? Invite a Brother to grab coffee or tea and just talk. Extend an invitation to Brethren to be a “plus one” and join you for events on your Masonic, personal, or professional calendar (e.g., Lodge visits, social gatherings, hobbies or areas of interest, educational seminars, sporting events, family-oriented activities, etc.). Take the initiative to start, and rest assured that anytime 3, 5, or 7 Brethren assemble to enjoy quality time together can be a wonderful fellowship experience.
As we collectively chart the way forward for Illinois Freemasonry, a focus on making genuine friends and enjoying fellowship experiences together will help drive membership loyalty and attract good men to inquire about how being a Freemason can transform their lives.
Together, let’s shine a bright light on what has inspired good and honorable men to dedicate decade after decade of their lives to be active and working Freemasons. Brotherly Love, kindness, support, and care distinguish us, and the unbreakable strength of our Mystic Tie is real!
Right Worshipful Brother Wayne Spooner
Grand Lodge Membership Committee Chairman
This article was originally featured in Illinois Freemasonry Magazine. If you're interested in learning more about the mentorship aspect of Freemasonry, please check out our recent compilation of stories here.